"Global Warming" ain't all THAT bad...

because, according to writer Dave Lindorff, it "...will save America from the right....eventually"

apparently this stuff passes for intelligence at the Baltimore Chronicle. Lindorff's argument is that if you look at the map of the US, you'll see that the vast amount of the area which is low-lying (and, thus, will end up underwater) tends to be in the southern states, which tend to be the most conservative. anticipating anyone wondering about "liberal" areas that would be lost to the rising ocean, Lindorff simply waves off that silly question:

Sure, Boston, New York and Philadelphia will be threatened, but these are geographically confined areas that could lend themselves to protection by Dutch-style dikes.

whew! THAT problem solved. i guess the people in the south will be too stupid or blinded by their own conservatism to figure out how to build sea walls, canals, or any other way that humans will come up with to adapt to changing environments. they'll just drown like the pharaoh's army, while smug liberals will assume the gene hackman posture from "the Posiedon Adventure" and topple the christmas tree which was the only way out, according to "the believers", leaving the doubters to die, albeit with party favors...

the conservative midwest will also face the wrath of the angry global warming gods. the farmland will be worthless, the reservoirs will dry up. they, too, will apparently be too stupid to see this coming and will just die instead of moving. then, Lindorff theorizes that the stifling heat will spell doom for conservative-leaning retirement communities in the American Southwest! NO conservative will be spared! all will be smitten! "so let it be written, so let it be done"...

There is a poetic justice to this of course. It is conservatives who are giving us the candidates who steadfastly refuse to have the nation take steps that could slow the pace of climate change, so it is appropriate that they should bear the brunt of its impact.

The important thing is that we, on the higher ground both actually and figuratively, need to remember that, when they begin their historic migration from their doomed regions, we not give them the keys to the city. They certainly should be offered assistance in their time of need, but we need to keep a firm grip on our political systems, making sure that these guilty throngs who allowed the world to go to hell are gerrymandered into political impotence in their new homes.

hey, Lindorff, does your pea-brain ever consider the possibility that all of these transplants will no doubt just move into your "turf", and possibly change it's political character? without the farm belt, aren't millions going to starve, anyway? what if the conservatives, who, unlike the liberal "blue-staters" don't sit around and wait for the nanny state to come bail them out of any crisis, prove to be more hardy in this tougher world? how exactly do you plan to feed your new liberal majority? food for thought...